I pass out immediately the moment I sit on the plane from Los Angeles to Honolulu. This trip, to attend my best friend’s child’s 1st birthday party, turned into a weeks-long solo babymoon. 34 weeks pregnant now I had traveled with Lyla to Turkey, Spain, Taiwan, and Singapore to be with my husband as he worked abroad for 5 consecutive months, so until now I have not had time to put myself first, to enjoy my pregnancy, or connect to this new life I am creating.
Selfish or Necessary?
Typically a babymoon is for the mother and father to celebrate the baby-to-be, and that would come as a one-night trip later on, but this babymoon was purely for me…something I had not experienced for 4 years since my pregnancy journey began. No work, no children, and the longest time spent away from my daughter. In order to keep this commitment to myself I decided not to bring my laptop. Words like selfish and mom guilt surfaced until I asked myself “Is me time selfish or necessary”? I had never heard of any of my friends taking a solo trip unless for work. The title of mom = being everything to our family all the time does not factor in any enjoyment in separation until our children are 18. Add that to the list of things no one told me before becoming a mom.
Making space for baby #2
The plan was to spend time with my best friends that live in Oahu, take a 2-night trip to Sensi Lanai where no children are allowed, and sleep in, on my own schedule, meanwhile taking good care of myself and connecting to my baby. I planned to leave the mental load at home which, props to him, took immense support on my husbands’ behalf. A few nights in Henry had called me in the middle of the night as Lyla had a nightmare and was screaming for me. As she bawled “Mommy, I want Mommy” I wanted to change my ticket immediately and go home. My intention, beyond taking a break before switching into new mommy mode, was to ensure that Lyla began to tether herself to Daddy. I knew they could and would forge a super meaningful relationship during my week away. Hawaii was the destination, but this is the journey — to relinquish some of my attachment to Lyla in order to nurture new life.
What do I like to do?
On the last beach of Oahu, floating in the salty ocean with my arms wide open and free I felt the tether of responsibility that I grip so tightly start to loosen. During the last 4 years, I had a miscarriage, moved continents, sold a company, given birth, became a mother, studied breathwork, and lactation counseling, and started WOMOM. Accolades that I am extremely proud of myself for, but as far as what gives me joy outside of “what I do” — well I couldn’t remember what they were. Motherhood, as important and all-consuming as it is, is a phase. The woman, other than a mother, that part of me was foggy.
These are the things considered
To capture moments of freedom I brought a DSLR camera to take some solo baby moon pictures. My friends made lei, open for mothers as tradition, and I even learned how to weave lei po,o myself. My favorite parts of the trip included plenty of massages, onsen (which pregnant women are no longer warned to avoid), and sleeping uninterrupted. As my trip came to a close, after a week away, I definitely felt ready to go home. Having never missed my family before, it’s certainly a strange feeling, but a welcome sign of a healthy relationship. My purpose for being in Hawaii ended at my friend’s baby’s party and, I was ready to board the plane home. Everything felt perfect like it was meant to be. I felt spoiled and lucky to have been able to take this time for myself — ultimately going home as a mother ready to give birth to baby #2.
*This article is written personally by Liv. If you find it insightful, please copy the link & share it with friends. Sharing is caring 💞
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